I must assure them that they are safe to “accept the gift” and all that comes with it. These are the moments that, as a coach, I must stay very present with my clients. Existential depression and panic (both forms of anger at and fear of life turned inward toward the self) can occur here, along with extreme confusion or depersonalization. My clients have reported feeling fragmented, torn, in doubt, and sometimes unable to choose their direction during this stage. It’s a challenging stage because, while a part of them wants to accept their “gift”, another part of them wants to go back to denying it. Finally, if you are sharing your insights with someone who is him- or herself gifted, but has never been identified as such, your discoveries may stir up their own realization and emotions (their own "Big Bang") as a result, he or she may go into the denial stage and resist your insights.īy now in the giftedness discovery process, clients feel like life is pushing them irrevocably toward “accepting their gift” (in other words, pushing them to start the climb up Dabrowski’s mountain), and they are tempted to fight against it.
Gifted adults how to#
Then there is the social stigma of giftedness, which can feel threatening to partners who, for example, don't know how to integrate your "difference" into your social circles. It is as if, by putting a name to these qualities and recognizing that they are natural result of the way your mind is constructed, it renders them unchangeable, and this is not always welcome news for others. Being that some of your gifted qualities are the ones that your partner, co-workers, family or friends would most like you to change (your intensity, your high idealism, your insatiable drive, etc.), they are not always keen to learn that these qualities aren't "problems to be solved", but rather manifestations of how your brain works best. However, no matter what words you use to describe your giftedness to others, the unfortunate truth is that others will at times not be as enthusiastically welcoming to your self-discoveries as you wish them to be. These linguistic changes maximize comprehension and encourage positive relational support from others. I think it will be an effective solution to our past communication difficulties." Communicating in this way takes more words, but it is clearer and less charged than the descriptor "gifted” it is also a way that allows your listener to know what to do with what the information you’re sharing. Maybe next time, we can try out you first giving me the big picture and then I can ask questions if there are specific details I don’t understand. For example, if a client has been having trouble communicating with his boss, rather than him saying, “Hey boss, I just discovered I’m gifted, so I don’t need step-by-step instruction from you anymore!”, we rehearse him saying something more like: “In my coaching sessions, I’m discovering that my mind processes incoming information differently than the norm, and I realize that this is why it’s hard for me to pay attention when you give me step-by-step instruction. To minimize miscommunications with others who are not familiar with giftedness, I teach clients alternative a more effective language to use. At this stage, many people like to seek out a qualitative assessment in order to get help exploring their unique cognitive landscape and functioning from someone who knows the terrain. This basic knowledge on the structure of gifted cognition will help you further accept where you are at on the “gifted scale” and understand what that means for your life and relationships. This subject is of utmost importance as you are learning about what giftedness is – it helps you understand your cognitive patterns: whether you are a skip-thinker or a meta-thinker, and how that differs from being a step-by-step (linear) thinker. It is also crucial to learn more about the distinctions between the levels of giftedness (mild, moderate, high, exceptional and profound), which you can find in my article “High, Exceptional & Profound Giftedness”.
InterGifted’s blogand the book Living with Intensityare great places to start. My homework for clients in this stage is to read enough about giftedness to understand its main structure.
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